we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
