where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You took a bar mat shot.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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