I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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