Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
