Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
