Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
