I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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