She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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