Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
