I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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