its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just want to make out with him forever
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
