Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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