Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
