She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
