Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
