Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
