A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
