Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
