It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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