why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
