could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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