Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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