I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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