I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I am available for nakedness
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize