I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
