You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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