So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
