The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
