oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
