Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
