he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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