Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
