my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
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