my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
