are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
