His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
