our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
