He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Sext me about skeletons
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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