Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Don't EVER smell your tampon
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I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
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If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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