It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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