I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
