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• (518): View more from New York

  you're out of your mind

  (518): View more from New York

  you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear

  (518): View more from New York

  it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence

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• (414): View more from Wisconsin

  nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.

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• (281): View more from Texas

  i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.

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• (716): View more from New York

  I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed

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• (417): View more from Missouri

  Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  All is fair in love and war and toga parties

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?

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• (512): View more from Texas

  the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.

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