get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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