In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
My ATM looks so different sober.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
