shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
