i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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