This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
