i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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