im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
