I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
