Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you will always have a special place in my vag
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
40s are totally the cure
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Randomize
