Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
