Porn is love you can see.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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