hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
