I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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