i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
