At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
