i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
