Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i just google imaged poop.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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