my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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