I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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