the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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