I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
