My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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