would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
