Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
