i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
