im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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