sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
