its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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